


A Journey To Love

by Rubber___Ducky



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, PWP, Porn With Plot, Romance, Sexy Time, Smut, Virgin Felix, but also smut, cockwarming? kinda, first time!, fluff!, gets really mushy, gross romance, hot daddy chan, im soft, sluff, soft boi hours, virgin chan, we love them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-09-06 22:08:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20298718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rubber___Ducky/pseuds/Rubber___Ducky
Summary: Over time Chan and Felix discover hidden feelings within themselves and each other, at first the two are too shy to do anything but as time goes on... the inevitable comes to pass.





	1. Just To Try

After a long day, it was time for the boys to finally unwind, though of course being a leader and the good dad he was Chan snagged the bathroom first. He wasn't usually this selfish but practice went a little longer than he would have liked so now he didn't have time to sit in his studio before going to sleep. He wanted to at least get a little bit of work done on some new compositions he had been working on for the group, but oh well.   
  


He stripped after turning the shower on, letting the water heat up before letting out a heavy sigh as he stepped under the water, the head tilted slightly to hit the wall so he could lean back against it and just let the water run down his chest, his eyes slipped closed as he threaded his fingers back through his hair slowly.   
  


It was strange for more than one member to be in the bathroom at the same time. Mornings were especially chaotic and cram-packed with bodies trying to shower, pee, and brush their teeth - all while trying to conserve the hot water, which never actually happened. So when Felix heard the telltale sign of water running in the bathroom, he figured it was okay for him to go in and use the bathroom. When he walked in, he was expecting to be hit with a cloud of steam, but when he didn’t get any and only felt the vague humidity of the room, he realized that whoever was in the shower must have just gotten in.   
  


__ Don’t look  
  


He repeated this to himself over and over again. Normally Felix wouldn’t care about looking and surely didn’t care that much if the other members caught him naked. But there was something about the fact that there was no steam in the room to fog up the shower door and mirrors that made the situation more  _ dangerous _ in a way. To give his fellow bandmate some privacy, he did his best to refrain from looking - yet he could only control his impulses for so long. Mid pee, dick in hand, Felix decided to see who exactly was showering - glancing over and catching sight of blonde hair, broad shoulders and a way too fit body to be anyone else but his fellow Aussie.   
  


__ Oh.  
  


“Shit.”    
  


At first Chan didn't realize someone else had walked into the bathroom, which wasn't really an issue. However normally when he showered it was swamped with other members, so those few moments of silence were very much appreciated. His eyes snapped open when the voice registered in his brain, a lopsided grin forming on his lips as he tilted his head towards his Aussie brother. “Oi what up bro” He said as he ducked his head under the water, wetting his hair finally, the heat had caused his cock to become a little over half chub.   
  


It took Felix five seconds too long to register that Chan even spoke to him. Not that he could be blamed, but his attention was focused on something else - something a little more interesting? Not that Chan wasn’t interesting but it certainly wasn’t every day that Felix had the opportunity to see Chan in such a vulnerable state. Or admire the assets that he had been so graciously gifted with. But when he had finally gathered himself, he cleared his throat, head-turning away.   
  


“Oh you know, just peeing.” Casual, that was not. But being a complete idiot was his specialty so he certainly couldn’t ruin his reputation by being normal. “How’s the water?”    
  


__ Stupid, Felix!  
  


Chan snorted at Felix and shook his head, grinning that signature lopsided smile as he applied a glob of shampoo to his blond locks. “Its just fine mate, why? You looking to join it?” He asked, in a joking manner as he glanced over at Felix who was indeed peeing. Not that he was trying to catch a look at his junk. Also not that he hadn't already seen it before either, because he's seen everyone's junk.   
  


He shook his head at his own thoughts and used his shampoo to wash his body, tensing up slightly when he had to wash his hard on.  _ Well, can't take care of this with him here.  _ He hummed slightly and bypassed it, washing his thighs instead. “Don't forget to flush, wouldn't want the fishies coming back up on ya”   
  


Felix paused for a moment, staring down at the toilet in slight fear and panic before realization dawned on him that Chan was actually just being a big tease. But Felix fell for it nonetheless. “The shower isn’t big enough for both of us,” Felix commented, a light hum leaving him as he tried to will himself to stop peeing. He made a mental note to never drink four bottles of water in a two-hour time span ever again, because damn. “You heading to bed after this?” Might as well make small talk while he could. It was something to do, though the stream finally dying down and Felix was more than ready to shake himself dry, hike his pants back up and leave.   
  


It wasn’t that it was awkward being in the bathroom with Chan, or the fact the other was showering. What was really bothering him was his own internal thoughts of seeing Chan naked. Those thoughts and that  _ sight _ \- which was lovely- was evoking some sort of feeling inside him that Felix wasn’t entirely sure he was ready to confront. Maybe tomorrow. Just not right now.   
  


Chan laughed as he rinsed himself and nodded, turning the water to cold for a little bit just to calm himself enough to be able to get out of the shower and not have a raging boner in front of his Aussie bro. “Yeah mate, just a bit exhausted after today's practice, didn't expect it to run so long.” He said as he shut off the water and grabbed a towel, ruffling his hair with it before he stepped out and wrapped it around his waist. He turned to the mirror and grabbed his toothbrush. The muscles in his back were sore and tense, so the moved with every movement of his arm as he brushed his teeth.    
  


Once he was done he clapped Felix on the back and grinned. “See ya later bro”   
  
Chan wasn’t kidding though. Practice had run very late that day and Felix wasn’t sure if any of the members had actually expected it to go that long. It was really surprising that most of them were still conscious and moving, though not that Chan was heading to bed, it would probably be only a matter of time before the rest of them took their showers and headed to bed. Maybe Felix should claim the shower after Chan, he was already there as it was.

The hand to his back had him jumping. Felix hadn’t realized that Chan had gotten out of the shower, or dried off even. Yet here he was bidding him goodbye and Felix had just finished peeing.   
  


“Yeah, catch you later bro.” He took a moment to let his eyes roam over Chan’s body, scolding himself as they traveled too far south. Yes, definitely time for a shower. Probably a cold one and a good, long hard look back at his life choices.

_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_   


  
  
The morning came too quick for Chan’s liking, and it came with yet again less time for taking care of his needs because as soon as he opened his eyes there was a camera shoved in his face. “No… Not again.” He whined out as he rolled over, immediately regretting it as he was yet again rock hard. “Oi, Get out of here with that!” He whined at Jisung, who was holding the camera.“Aw come on Chris, it's not that bad~” Jisung teased as he slipped the camera around to point it at himself. “Now that our leader nim is finally awake, off to get the others!”   
  
Chan growled at Jisung left the room.  _ So… It's one of those filming days.  _ He hated and loved these days at the same time. It was more stuff for Vlive itself, as much as he loved interacting with his fans, he also valued sleep and masturbation just as much. There's only so much a guy can take without rubbing one out every now and then.    
  


The scream of Jisung’s name throughout the dorm was what woke Felix up that morning. He barely caught a glimpse of Jisung running out of the bedroom with what looked like a camera, Minho chasing after him while trying to tug on a shirt, pants barely pulled up enough to be called decent. Honestly, that’s what Minho gets for sleeping in the nude in a dorm filled with 8 other rowdy boys, but honestly, it was deemed appropriate at some points. He shared a room with Minho, Hyunjin, and Seungmin and it tended to get hot and stuffy at night, especially during the summer months.   
  


Felix grunted and laid his head back down, face buried in his pillow with the intention of getting more sleep now that the noise makers were out of the room. But the peace didn’t last long as Jisung came bounding back in, laughing like a hyena with not only Minho on his heels, but Changbin now too. They dog piled on Minho’s bed and Felix took that moment to roll out of bed and drag himself to the nearest bedroom to hide in one of those beds and continue to sleep. Slipping through the door, Felix stumbled his way to the first bed he saw - uncaring that there was a body still in it. Slipping under the rumbled covers, he plastered himself against the body - whom he realized was Chan - face pressed against Chan’s back as he tried to will himself back into the peaceful arms of sleep.   
  


He was almost asleep, so so close to being back in his dream world. But once the covers moved and the body pressed against his backside his eyes shot open. “Huh?” He mumbled as he shifted slightly and tilted his head to the side, trying to see who had crawled into bed with him. Upon seeing the tuft of blond hair he sighed heavily and laid back down. “I'm gonna kill him, it's too early for this.” He whispered to the other blond Aussie. But when he got no reply he chuckled to himself and rolled over, pulling the other against his chest, snuggling into him as he let the feeling of another warm body coax him back into his slumber.    
  
It was a nice feeling, holding someone like this, normally he only snuggled with his pillows or a cat when one of them wandered into his room. But this was definitely something he had been needing, maybe a little too much since it did nothing to help his situation. “Get a little more sleep Felix…” He mumbled as he drifted back off to sleep, one arm under Felix’s head, supporting it, the other draped over his smaller waist.   
  


Felix hadn’t been too keen on being moved around when he finally got into a comfortable position. The movement pulling him out of his nice little slumber once more. But he couldn’t be mad at Chan - not when the other pulled him closer against his chest and Felix found himself feeling warm and content - safe. He hummed slightly in acknowledgment, tone deep as it caught slightly in his dry throat. It didn’t bother him as sleep once more called out to him and with a little bit of maneuvering, he found a new, comfortable position against Chan’s body with one leg hooked behind Chan’s. The slight twist and stretch felt so deliciously good and soothing that he was asleep almost instantly.   
  


Chan let out a soft little snore, shifting even closer to the warmth now that it was wrapped around him. He fell into a deeper sleep than he had gotten the night before, his whole body relaxing as he gripping Felix’s hip. He was sure that this sleep would be one of the best naps he had taken in his entire life, minus the raging boner that was still present.   
  


Naptime was ruined, however, when Felix received a swat on his ass and Woojin’s voice filtering through the darkness, telling him to either wake up or face the consequences. And for a moment, Felix debated if sleeping was the right choice, but he knew that if he didn’t get up and Woojin came back in, his next wake up call wouldn’t be that fun. To deny the eldest hyung when he told them to wake up was like signing his last will. It was a death wish and Felix did not wish to die right now. Maybe in a few hours, but not right now. Groaning, he lifted his head and rolled onto his back slightly, giving the weakest thumbs up to the other that he could manage as he fought back an obnoxiously loud yawn. Stretching himself out, he groaned as joints popped back into place and muscles stretched and released. Huffing lightly, he laid limp on the bed, head still resting on Chan’s arm - eyes closed as he basked in the post-sleep haze his body was currently in. He could hear the other members outside the door, chattering away as they got themselves ready and Felix knew he needed to make himself presentable and join them soon.   
  


With a sigh, he rolled back over and stared at Chan’s sleeping face. His features were soft and beautiful - reminding Felix of a sleeping child. It wasn’t often he could see Chan so relaxed like this and it was a welcome change. Their leader worked so hard every day, so for him to be at peace while sleeping… well it was like a Christmas miracle. Though like all good things, it must come to an end and with great reluctance, Felix shook Chan’s shoulder gently to wake him.   
  


“Channie hyung, wake up.”   
  


Chan groaned as he was shook, shaking his head as he rolled over onto his back, letting out a childish whine as he barely cracked open his eyes. “Please no..” He whispered softly before falling immediately back to sleep, his arm draped over his eyes now. He didn't want to get up, the bed was so inviting and his body was so worn out. It had been ages since he was able to truly rest and it was what he really needed. He didn't need to eat, drink, or perform. He needed sleep!  _ Please Felix just let me sleep _ Was the only thought running through his head at the moment. In his sleep, he reached his hand down and scratched at his toned stomach just above the waistband of his tented sweatpants.   
  


Felix couldn’t help but smile at how cute Chan was being. If it were up to him, he would let the other sleep for as long as he wanted. They all needed the rest, just not today. And he vaguely remembered seeing Jisung with a camera, so he highly doubted they could just not get up and sleep in a little more. He sighed softly, taking in the sleeping form next to him. He watched the way Chan’s hand moved with slight interest, scratching his stomach before his eyes trailed further down, stopping at the obvious bulge in Chan’s sweatpants.    
  


It was captivating and Felix wondered just how big his friend was. He had seen him naked last night but he hadn’t been hard and this looked definitely bigger than what it had been last night. There was a fleeting thought of how Chan would feel against him, but Felix shook it away quickly. He couldn’t just do that. That would be violating their trust and make things so extremely awkward between them. What if Chan didn’t even swing that way? Despite the hopes and dreams of all the fans, almost every idol was straight - or at least bisexual with a tendency for the opposite sex. It was ingrained into them. The fanservice was great, perfect for the fans, but a same-sex relationship was never encouraged nor would be accepted. And as much as Felix wanted to let his gay out, he couldn’t.    
  


__ Damn hormones.  
  


Felix reached to shake Chan again when the bedroom door started to open once more. It was out of reflex and really it surprised Felix that he could muster up the strength to move Chan who was practically dead weight at the moment. But he managed to pull the other back onto his side, draping Chan’s arm around his waist as he pressed back against the other in an attempt to hide the other’s obvious morning wood from whoever was walking in. Which was a good thing too considering it was Jisung and his camera again, Hyunjin trailing behind him.   
  


“And here we have a kangaroo and his koala curled up in bed like the lazy animals they are.” Jisung grinned, snickering. “Come one, time to get up. Channie hyung, wake up!”   
  


Hyunjin walked up to the bed and grinned as he gave Chan’s ass a firm slap. ‘Come on leader! You're the one setting an example here!” He teased as he looked down at Felix and giggled. “Is he giving you a hard time?” He asked as he shook his head. Chan wasn't always the easiest to wake up in the morning.   
  
Upon feeling the slap to his ass Chan bucked his hips away from the stinging sensation and right against Felix’s ass, a groan leaving his lips. “Who did that?” He grumbled as he opened his eyes and looked around, arms gripping at Felix as he squinted, trying to see in the morning light that had started to shine through the windows. “That wasn't funny, you know how hard you smacked me! I could have rolled off the bed!” He whined, pouting like a child as he wiggled slightly before realizing his little problem. “Just.. Give me a few minutes okay?” He asked as he sighed heavily, running his fingers through his hair slowly.   
  
“Alright alright. But only a few minutes! We got stuff to do today!” Jisung said as he shook his head and pointed the camera at Felix. “Make sure he doesn't go back to sleep this time! Manager hyung is gonna be upset if we are late with filming.”

  
Chan picked up one of his pillows and chucked it at Jisung, barely missing the camera but still hitting the boy. “I'm up okay? Now let me get ready alright? Felix doesn't have to babysit me I'm awake now.” He huffed out, still pouting.  
  
“Sure sure.” Hyunjin laughed as he grabbed Jisung’s arm and dragged the other from the room. “Hurry before he throws something else.” he snickered, Jisung whining about how cruel his hyung was to him.   
  


Felix watched them go with a shake of the head, slow breaths slowly leaving between parted lips as he did his best to keep himself from flushing. He had nearly blown everything when Chan had bucked against him, pressing his hardon right against his ass and damn if Chan didn’t feel so good against him - _ heavy  _ and delicious. This situation was certainly not good for his psyche, so he was more than happy when his two friends left the room, leaving them in what Felix was hoping wasn’t an awkward silence. But the more they laid there, the more awkward it seemed.   
  


“Well then,” he muttered and shifted on the bed, accidentally rubbing back against Chan. “I should probably be going.”   
  


Chan shook his head slowly and smiled a little. “It's okay, you don't have to leave.” He said softly as he sat up and stretched his arms up high above his head. He sighed as he scooted off the bed, adjusting himself as he licked his lips slowly. “I'm sorry by the way.” He said as he cleared his throat. “It was a reflex” He muttered as he grabbed a black shirt from his closet and pulled it on, tugging it down as he turned to look at Felix, taking note of the slight blush on his Aussie friend’s cheeks. “You okay?” he asked in English this time. He leaned back against the wall of his room and smiled reassuringly. “I know you're tired still, but hopefully they will give us a break tomorrow.”   
  


Felix raised a brow and nodded his head quickly, taking a moment to sit up in the bed. “I’m good.” he said, not really sure how to proceed with the situation. Even though Chan had apologized, it still seemed awkward between them. “Yeah, hopefully a break soon. Anyway, you should probably go and get ready.” he said as he pushed the covers off and stood up. Stretching once more, he grunted in contentment before moving to the door.    
  


“Catch ya in a few.” he said before disappearing out of the room.


	2. Just A Little More

Chan didn't know when the thoughts and feelings of loneliness had started, but he felt it in his bones. It had been months since their debut, and years since he had really gone out to just hang out with friends. He didn't know what to do with himself around the others. Of course he had to portray himself as the leader but with his mental state wearing thin he needed to figure out just what was going to get himself out of this funk. They finally got their day off, two comebacks later, two albums later… He was beyond exhausted. He was nearly dead.   
  
  
It was a single day of freedom but he was going to take it and cherish it with every fiber of his soul. With heavy feet he made his way into the kitchen and grabbed himself a soda and a cup ramen from the pantry. The dorm was rather quiet, he didn't know who was awake and who was sleeping but he could vaguely hear a few voices, though he wasn't sure if they were from the tv or the members themselves. All he really knew was that there were voices. And that he was hungry. “Ahh.. this is going to be so delicious with leftover/ kimchi..” He said to himself, feeling the excitement of kimchi ramen bubbling up inside of him.  


Felix snickered at Jisung as the other continued to ramble on and on about some stupid character in the movie he was watching. He was very passionate about this character and how they’re being treated so wrongly. Shaking his head, he walked into the kitchen, his smile growing wider.   


“Hey Chan.” He greeted. “What are you making, mate?” He asked, walking up to the other from behind. He placed his hands on Chan’s shoulder and tried to peer over his shoulder to see what the other was making. “Anything I can eat?” He asked and grinned.  


Chan looked at Felix and grinned as he stepped aside to show him, holding the soda up to Felix's lips. "Come on, have a sip. You know you want to~" he teased as he wiggled the can of ice-cold cola in front of the other. It had been a long time since he had seen Felix drink soda, but the other always whine about wanting some. "I'm making kimchi ramen, want to share?" He asked as he pointed over to the stove. “I think this one is big enough for the both of us, What do you think?” He asked as he leaned back against the counter and slung an arm around the other Aussie boy, bringing him close.  


Felix eyed the soda with hungry eyes. Parting his lips, he took a swig from the can and swallowed, groaning out. “Free day equals cheat day. I’m going to hate doing this tomorrow when I’m bloated and slow.” he pouted and stared at Chan. Humming softly, he looked at the stove and debated if he really wanted to eat kimchi ramen or eat something else. But since Chan was already making it, it seemed like such a waste to not just help him eat it all. Nodding his head, he wrapped his arms around Chan’s waist and rested his head on his shoulder.   


“Sounds delicious. You’re the best wife ever.” he teased and poked Chan’s side, laughing.  


Chan laughed out loud and pulled Felix even closer so he could take a sip of the cola that was in the same hand he had draped around the boy’s shoulder. “ I know right?” He teased back and nudged Felix with his hip. A grin spread over his lips, almost reaching his ears as he leaned over to take another sip. He could feel the energy slowly flowing back into him as he held the younger member close to him.. “ How about a movie after this? Or maybe some video games? Or… naptime?” He asked as he looked the younger over slowly, then glanced over at the stove where things were heating up for them.  


He was slowly but surely pulling Felix against his chest without even realizing it, it was as if his body was reacting by itself. But the longing that was building up inside of him told him that no.. this wasn't just his body working on its own, but his mind as well. “Spend some time with Chris hyung eh?” He asked, pouting like a child towards Felix.  


“Chris hyung, huh?” Felix asked and laughed. “Why are you being so cute today hyung?” he teased and reached up, poking Chan’s cheek as he thought back on the offer. The couch was already taken by Jisung, who would probably sit there and rant about the character again and Felix - as much as he loved his September twin - wanted to do nothing more than to actually watch the movie. So maybe not that. And sleeping was something he wanted to do later. It had been such a long time since they had a free day and Felix had already spent the better part of the morning sleeping in. So napping didn’t really appeal to him at the moment. Despite being exhausted, his body was so used to being up and going that sleeping for too long just made him restless.   


“Games! Let’s play games. We can play with the Nintendo Switch. I just got the new Mario Kart for it. Dude, you’re going down.” Felix said as he pulled back from Chan some. He hadn’t realized how close they had gotten until his chin began bumping into Chan’s chest as he talked.  


Chan pulled back slightly with a shit-eating grin on his face. “OH hell no. I'm not losing to you!” He said as he set the cola down and poked at Felix’s sides, tickling him slightly as he laughed softly. “The only one going down here is you, back to the down under!” He said as he smirked and turned to pour the water into the bowl with the noodles and kimchi. “Alright, now by the time I kick your ass in the first grand prix it will be ready to eat!” He said, a challenging tone to his words.  


Felix jerked at the fingers poking his sides, tickling him. He cried out in protest, trying to pull away from the other. His giggles filled the kitchen as he moved to stand farther away, catching his breath while watching Chan fix the food. “You’re so mean.” he said and smiled. “Come on. Jisung has claimed the living room, but I will be the ruler of the bedroom.” he cheered, one arm raised up in the air as he started marching to the door. “Let’s go hyung! Loser has to do whatever the winner wants!”  


Chan laughed as he grabbed the bowl and hurried after Felix. “Yah you're so going down!” He called out after Felix and held up the bowl proudly. “I am the king of the karts and I will not be defeated!” He shouted over Jisung’s movie, a confident look on his face as he headed into Felix’s room and plopped right down in front of the tv, a bowl of ramen a few feet away so it doesn't get knocked over.  
  
  
“You have challenged my authority and now you must pay the ultimate price!” He said in a deep movie announcer like voice.  


Felix laughed at the dramatics Chan was showing. It never failed to make him happy, seeing the other so carefree and idiotic like this. Usually, it was him, Jisung and Changbin, with a side of Minho and Hyunjin. But for the most part, Chan kept himself under control with his role of “leader.” Turning on the TV, Felix set up the game and brought the remotes over, sitting next to Chan happily.   


“Alright, you’re player one, and I’m player two.” he said and stared at him. “You ready to go down, mate?” he smirked. He turned back to the TV, selecting his character quickly before Felix and Chan had a tendency to play the same characters and Felix didn’t want Chan to be picking the same he wanted.   


Chan grabbed his controller and whined when he saw the character Felix picked, “ Hey no fair I was gonna pick that one!” He pouted as he scrolled through the characters with a pout before finally deciding on princess peach. “Fine, I'll just be peach. But.. you're still going down!” He teased as he reached over and pinched Felix’s cheeks. Chan had a bad feeling, he had been so stressed lately and he didn't have much time to play games during his work hours. Hell, he rarely isn't working. It was always work for him unless they were having fun on a shoot. He was going to get his ass handed to him no doubt.  


Felix laughed and stuck his tongue out. “A peach for a peach.” Felix cooed and poked Chan’s nose. “I will not be going down today, my friend.” he said as the course was selected and the match started. Felix, though sitting close to the screen, still leaned forward, fingers smashing buttons as he tried his hardest to get the lead and stay in the lead. The only thing he could pray for was that Chan never got the blue shell. That would surely be the end of Felix, even though Felix knew all the shortcuts on the track to win. By lap three, Felix was assured his victory as he got a Bullet Bill and went speeding across the finish line.  


“I win!” he shouted happily. “Yes!”  


Chan let out a defeated screech as he tossed the controller onto the floor and stomped his foot childishly. “Aish! No fair you cheated!” He cried out as he stood up and pointed down at Felix. “I didn't even see you on the track half the time!” Of course half the time Chan had also been in dead last… But he wasn't going to admit that. “Ugh.. Fine, what do you want me to do?” He asked as he moved up to the bed and sat on it, leaning back to hold himself up as he looked down at Felix. The further away from the boy, he got the more he just wanted to move closer. Was he really that lonely? Did he really crave touch that badly? He didn't know, and he didn't know if he really wanted to know either.  


“So.. What’ll it be?”  


Felix was a little shocked at the outburst, but laughed nonetheless, because Chan was indeed very cute like that. And sure, maybe he knew a cheat on the track that helped him keep first place. He certainly wasn’t going to tell Chan that, not that the other would have seen since he had been in last place the entire time.   


“Ah, what to do, what to do?” Felix as he stood and paced the floor for a moment, rubbing his chin. At one point he stopped and stared at Chan, face morphing into an evil smirk before wiggling his brows at him.  


“I’m going to tickle you and if you want me to stop you have to shout “Felix is the superior game master, and I am merely a peasant”.” he snickered.  


Chan's jaw dropped at the words that came out of Felix’s mouth shaking his head quickly as he closed his mouth tightly. “Nope, nuh-uh those words with never grace your ears!” He said as he folded his arms over his chest. “Tickle me as much as you want but you won't break me!” He challenged, sticking his tongue out at the younger as he laid back on the bed. In reality, he just wanted Felix close again, and if that meant holding in tears from being tickled then so be it….  


_ Wait… what? Am I really that desperate for his touch? _ Chan’s brows furrowed as he looked up at Felix, studying him slowly before shaking his head and snorting, more to himself than anyone else. _ Nah.. that can't be it.   
_

Felix raised a brow at the protest, but he didn’t believe it for one minute. He knew Chan would give in easily. Who in their right mind would never beg for someone to stop ticking them? Tickling was plain torture and Felix knew if it was him, he certainly would have the will power to not break down and beg for mercy. “Alright hyung, suit yourself.” he grinned as he climbed onto the bed and leaned over Chan. He paused for a moment, taking in his form before tossing a leg over Chan’s waist and straddling him. It was the ultimate punishment position. Chan would have nowhere to go.  


“Prepare to speak those glorious words!” With that, Felix’s hands found their way to Chan’s side, moving quickly to poke, prod and glide - searching for every weak spot on Chan’s body.  


Chan let out a heavy sigh when the weight of Felix’s body rested on top of him, but the excruciating feeling of his nerves being tortured quickly caused him to tense up and start to squirm, he brought a hand up and bit down on his thumb as he tried to hold in his laughter, his sides already starting to hurt. His hips bucked and twisted the longer Felix’s fingers moved over his sides and searched his body for weak spots.  
  
  
However a specific weak spot on his hip had him letting out a loud, almost ear-splitting screech as tears formed in his eyes. He shook his head quickly, still refusing to give in, he wouldn't lose his pride that easily. At the same time, he didn't want Felix to stop, the touch of another human was driving him mad and all he wanted to do was keep Felix there on his lap like this, whether he was being tortured or not.   


Felix stopped the moment the screech sounded and he was worried that he had actually hurt Chan. The tears in the other’s eyes filled Felix with dread and he was quick to get off the other and looked him over. “Oh my god, hyung.” he whispered, reaching out for the other before stopping and doing it again, worried that just touching him could hurt him.   


“I’m so sorry, Channie hyung. Are you alright? What did I hurt? Should I get an ice pack? I’m going to get an ice pack!”  


Chan shook his head quickly and pulled Felix back towards him. “N-No!” He said suddenly, his voice shaky since he was out of breath. “Just a sensitive spot. I promise.” He said as he pulled the younger male onto his lap and buried his face against his shoulder. “I'm okay. Don't leave.” He whispered softly, biting his lip as the tears continued, but this time as a plead to Felix not to leave him alone. He needed the human touch, he needed it more than he needed food. “Just… Don't move, please?” He whispered softly  


“Just let me hold you.” He pleaded softly, he knew the other would ask if he was okay, and he wasn't sure how to answer it. Was he okay? Probably not if he was going to be absolutely honest with Felix and himself.   


To say Felix was shocked was an understatement, but the shock was quickly overwhelmed with a sense of concern for his fellow member. Chan was, by all means, a very sensitive individual, but they all were. It was nothing for one of them to just start crying for one reason or another - whether it be stress, hunger or just because they wanted to. But this felt different. Something about the way Chan held him and practically begged him not to leave had Felix’s heart breaking and he would have started crying too if he wasn’t so concerned for Chan.  


“If you wanted to cuddle, that’s all you had to say, hyung,” he said gently, twisting his body around so he sat facing Chan, one leg on either side of the other’s body. He wrapped his arms around the other’s shoulders, fingers gently gliding against his back while his free hand moved up to card his fingers through the other’s hair. He sat there in silence, debating if he should say anything or not. Eventually, curiosity got the better of him.  


“Are you okay?”  


Chan stayed quiet for a moment as he mulled over the question, then shook his head slowly as he felt an ache in his chest as he pulled Felix firmly against his chest. “No..” He whispered softly. “I- Am… So lonely.” He mumbled softly as he nuzzled his nose against Felix’s neck, his arms wrapped around the boy’s waist tightly. The feeling of fingers moving oh so slowly against his back had him shivering, but the most beautiful feeling was Felix’s fingers threading through his hair. He hadn't felt anything like that in ages and he wanted more of it now that he had felt it again. His thoughts turned back in time to the morning Felix crawled in bed with him, he had slept so good once the boy was in his arms.  
  
  
“Stay with me tonight, please?” He asked as he closed his eyes tightly, tears still staining his cheeks as he gripped Felix tighter. The more he thought about that morning, the more his heart ached. Was he truly just longing for companionship? Is that all he needed to cure him of the dread he felt.  


Felix felt himself tighten his grip on the other as the other spoke. The familiarity in Chan’s words hit him like a semi-truck and he hated it. The loneliness that he felt; that Chan felt. Even if they had each other and the other members, sometimes the feeling of being alone was just too great that time spent with each other didn’t push it away. And now Felix could see, just how much it had been eating at his friend.  


“Of course, Chris.” he whispered. “I’ll stay with you any night, just let me know, yeah?” he asked. Pulling back slightly, he cupped Chan’s face, lifting his head so he could look at him. “Don’t cry anymore hyung. I hate seeing you cry. It breaks my heart and makes me want to cry.” he pouted.  


When Felix cupped his face he could feel the heat rising to his cheeks, he bit his lip and nuzzled into the touch with a little whimper, he closed his eyes as he leaned forward and pressed his forehead against Felix’s. “Thank you. That morning… Months ago when you crawled in to be with me, was the best sleep I had gotten in a long time. I don't know how you did it but my god Felix… I didn't want to move… I just wanted to stay there curled up in your grip like that.” He whispered softly.  
  
  
I just wanted to keep holding you. He gulped at the thought that ran through his head. That morning. He had been harder than a rock. And practically molested Felix… But his Aussie friend hadn't looked disgusted afterward. He opened his mouth to ask why Felix had turned red after all that… but closed his mouth, deciding not to ruin the most beautiful moment he had experienced in a very long time.  


Felix stared into the dark pools of Chan’s eyes, a soft smile spreading over his lips. Knowing he had helped Chan sleep well was a wonderful gift and a great honor. The other had a habit of overworking himself, never sleeping a decent amount of hours and sometimes caught even skipping meals. Though they were all guilty of skipping meals from time to time. “You’re welcome then.” he chuckled, a soft sigh leaving his lips.   


“Honestly hyung, if you want me to sleep with you, I will. Whatever you need, I’m more than happy to give it to you if I can.” he said with a nod. “You’ve done so much for all of us; for me.” he said gently. “It’s the least I can do in return for you always believing in me and helping me.”  


“I will always believe in you, help you and support you.. Always.” Chan said softly as he nodded and sniffled softly. “You know that right? When i told you to always come to me i meant it." He said as he pulled back slightly to rub his eyes slowly. _ Always look at me.   
_

The thought that passed through his mind made him nearly choked on his own spit. There was no way he thought of Felix like that… right? It was just the loneliness talking.thats all   


Felix smiled softly and nodded. “I know,” he whispered. “Still, it doesn’t seem fair you’ve done so much for me and I’m not doing enough for you,” he said. His smile fell some as he took in Chan’s appearance - how red his eyes were getting from crying and how flushed his nose and cheeks looked. “_ I’ll always be here for you Chris,” _ he spoke in English. _ “I promise. Lean on me and I’ll make you happy. _” he knew it was cheesy to say that, but he couldn’t stop himself. He had to let the other know somehow how much he cared.   


And maybe Felix cared more than what a friend should. Because maybe Chan made his heart do a weird fluttering effect whenever he smiled in his direction, hugged him or showed him any attention. And maybe Felix was falling in love, but not willing to admit it because if he admitted it, it would ruin their friendship and he couldn’t bear it if he lost Chan.  


Chan nodded at Felix's words, biting his lip as he pulled the younger male against him again, burying his face against his neck as he sniffled softly. "_ I will, thank you Felix. I don't know how long things have been pent up inside me but it's wearing me thin. I'm the leader, i can't be like this all the time.. I have to be strong for everyone else, strong for you too." _He whispered in english, letting out a shaky sigh as his hands rested against Felix's hips.  


_ Right where they felt best. _ He always liked being touched, or touching someone else. It just gave him a sense of security. " _ I trust you Felix. With everything."   
_

“You don’t always have to be strong for us Chan.” Felix said, fingers once more carding through the other’s hair as he pressed against him. “Let us be strong for you too. Let us take care of you.” His words were soft, almost whispered as he closed his eyes, letting his mind wander back to the previous months and before. Back when they were trainees and when Felix first entered the company. How Chan had been there for him, always, helping him with his rapping, dancing, singing and Korean. Chan meant everything to him.  


Opening his eyes, he tilted his head down and pressed a soft kiss to the crow of Chan’s head before resting his cheek against it, sighing softly. _ “I trust you too, _ ” he replied. _ I love you. _  
  



	3. Jealousy

No.. nope, he wasn't going to look. Not even a peek. To say he was jealous…. Wouldn't exactly be a lie. Felix had been spending more and more time with Hyunjin and Changbin. He tapped his foot against the floor, his jaw clenched slightly as he watched the three play around on their free hour.  _ What happened? When did Felix start paying less attention to him? What happened to that promise they made so many moons ago?. _ His mind was riddled with confusing thoughts, his heart ached as he turned his eyes towards the three boys, his world nearly shattering when he saw how happy Felix looked smushed between the two as they played around.  
  


Without a sound he moved over to one of the doors, opening it to slip into the studio that was attached to their practice room and sighed heavily, closing the door behind him rather loudly… much louder than he realized.   
  


Was he really overthinking this much? " _ Pull yourself together Chris." _ He scolded himself, ruffling his hair wildly as he plopped down into the rolly chair, leaning forwards as he held his head in his hands. " _ What is wrong with me?"  _ He whispered as he lowered one hand to rub at his chest, the aching feeling only getting worse as he listened to the group out in the practice room.  
  


A few moments of silence passed before the door to the studio opened and Changbin slipped inside, brows furrowed as he stared at Chan in the chair. “Hyung?” he called out, making his way over to the other and taking up the seat he normally took when he was in the studio producing with Chan and Jisung. “What did that poor door do to you?” he asked, trying to joke and get a laugh out of Chan, though he wasn’t sure if that was the right move. It wasn’t everyday Chan seemed to be upset and he certainly didn’t go around slamming doors. He was such a well-mannered guy, so it had shocked the entire group when it happened.  
  


“Are you okay? Something you wanna talk about?”  
  


Chan frowned as he lowered his head, sighing heavily as he shook his head. "Just leave me alone and go back to playing with Felix and Hyunjin." He said lowly, running his fingers through his hair slowly. There was pain in his voice as he spoke Felix's name as if it hurt just to say it. There was something wrong with him. Yeah, he was sensitive, but this was extreme, even for him. "I'm fine, I just need to clear my head of-" he caught himself before he could say too much.  _ This is insane, I'm going mad.  _   
  


Every week they would spend at least 4 nights together, either just cuddling or playing video games. But recently Felix was pulling away, he didn't want to be touched certain ways and even when he did Felix pulled away even more. "What did I do wrong…?" He asked himself softly, not expecting the one behind him to hear his words.  
  


Changbin hummed softly at the comment to leave and he almost did. Listening to Chan was something he did without fail, but this time something just wasn’t sitting right with him. He couldn’t leave. So instead, he sat there, watching the other with a careful gaze. He never responded, but waited. Surely Chan would talk to him when he was ready because there was something wrong. He could tell.  
  


_ ‘What did I do wrong? _ ’   
  


The question was so soft that Changbin almost hadn’t heard it if not for the silence in the room. “Nothing.” he answered easily. “I don’t know what’s going on, but I know you’ve done nothing wrong. At least not with us. We all love you, you know?” he said and hummed softly. “Hyung, what’s really on your mind?”  
  


Chan sat there in silence, mind flooded with painful thoughts as he shook his head, trying to clear the thoughts away. Everything in his mind leads to one person and one person alone… Felix. "I-I…." He started out and then the realization hit him like a train.  _ I'm jealous.. because…  _ "I'm gay.." he whispered softly as he laid his head against the desk in front of him and let out a little choked up sigh. "I shouldn't be feeling this way for him, my best friend.." he said even softer, tears forming in his eyes. "I don't know what to do with myself, every time he's with someone else I just get so… so mad… It should be me! By his side, making him laugh, and smile. Only me.." he took a deep breath.  
  


"But that's so selfish.." he finished off and shook his head. "Borderline obsessive and that's why I'm so fucked up about it." He muttered before finally turning to look at Changbin, his eyes nearly bloodshot and face as red as a beet. His hair looked no better than it did when he rolled out of bed this morning.  
  


Changbin sat there in silence, taking in Chan’s appearance before nodding his head. “Well, one, congratulations on coming out?” he said slowly. It wasn’t that he was disgusted or anything by the admission, it was just done in a weird way where Changbin felt like he was just invading a very private realization. And maybe he was, but Chan looked like he could use a friend at the moment.   
  


“So you’re gay and you like someone?” he asked and hummed softly. “I’m assuming someone in the group based off your behavior,” he said and chuckled softly. Sitting up straight in the chair, he wheeled closer to Chan and reached out, rubbing his back. “Hyungie, you know it’s okay, right? To like guys? It’s not like we’re going to judge you. I’m pretty sure Minho and Jisung are like a  _ thing _ .” he said with a shrug. “And -” he paused, trying to figure out how to approach this issue Chan was having.   
  


“Maybe it seems fucked up because you’re just now realizing you feel this way? You know, people have strong emotions towards others and sometimes don’t know how to handle them. It’s normal. And either we get over it or confront it and snatch that girl - or rather guy - up and make them our...significant other?” Was he bad at this, yes. But he was trying. He was really trying and hopefully, it was helping.  
  


“So who is your crush?”  
  


Chan listened to Changbin and nodded slowly, chewing on his bottom lip as he rubbed at his cheeks slowly, then pressed his hands against his thighs and sighed. "I don't know man, he doesn't… seem like he wants to be around me. Months ago we made a promise… two of them actually, but now he just… he pulls away." He said softly as he licked his lips slowly, now that he was calming down a little he noticed they were very dry.  
  


"I… you need to promise me you won't tell him.. okay?" He asked as he looked over at Changbin with pleading eyes.  
  


Changbin nodded his head eagerly. “I swear I won’t tell him. But you know, if I know, maybe I can help you out?” he asked. “I’m pretty close with a lot of the guys, maybe I can put in a good word for you?” It was meant to be a joke, but if it really was someone he was close to, like Hyunjin or Jisung, Changbin would try his best to feel out how the other felt about Chan. Because honestly, he would play matchmaker if it meant Chan didn’t look so heartbreakingly pitiful.  
  


Chan paled and shook his head quickly. "No! You can't tell him! It will ruin everything!" He said quickly and took a deep breath before closing his eyes. "Its Felix… " he said shyly, lowering his head as he bit his lip. "I've been steadily falling for him over I guess the past few months. I thought at first I just craved any human touch but... I guess it was only his touch I truly craved because when anyone else would cuddle with me or do fanservice with me in our performances it wouldn't feel the same." He said as he held his head in his hands.   
  


" out of everyone in the group. Felix holds my heart in the palms of his hands, and I think it’s been that way from the very beginning. Everyone knows I've been protective of him, comforting him no matter what." Chan lifted his head to look at Changbin and gave him the most pitiful look anyone could ever give. "I'm done for.. whipped, chained, and stuck because of that boy.."  
  


"I'm going crazy.."  
  


Felix? Changbin never would have guessed really. While they were close because they shared the same nationality and spoke English - easily they could find solace in one another - Changbin had never thought they would be close enough for Chan to catch feelings like that. Maybe for Jisung or even Woojin. But Felix? It was shocking.  
  


“That’s really cute.” he said and cocked his head. “You should talk to him hyung.” he whispered and sighed. He gave Chan’s shoulder a few pats, trying to reassure the other. “If there is one thing that Felix is, he is a sweet, soft boy. Talk to him.” he said with a firm nod. “I think talking would be a good idea.” Changbin sat there for a moment, pondering his next move. Eventually, he stood and started for the door.   
  


“I can assure you one thing, Hyung and one thing only.” he said as he stood by the door, hand on the knob. “Felix is not completely straight. So give it a shot,” he told him before opening the door. Leaving the studio, he hummed as he caught sight of Felix’s red face as he tried to act normal. But ‘normal’ and Felix never went well together and something was up. But Changbin wouldn’t make a scene. Instead, he went on his way to go annoy Seungmin.  
  


Chan let the words run through his head over and over again, his eyes widening as they finally sunk in. "He's not… straight?" He asked himself, his heart skipping a few beats. He took a deep breath to calm himself before standing up, he turned to the door and stared at it for a few minutes before finally heading out into the practice room and immediately grabbing a bottle of water out of the ice cooler. He was sure his face was still red, as well as his eyes, actually, he was nearly 100% sure he looked like an absolute mess at the moment.  
  


As he tilted the bottle back, gulping down its contents he opened his eyes and scanned the room, gazing falling on Felix who was standing over in the far corner talking to Jisung. His thoughts going back to what Changbin had said to him about Jisung and Minho…. And that made him choke on his water a little bit.   
  


Once recovered he sat down on the little couch that was in the practice room and sighed, pressing the still cold bottle against his cheek.  _ That feels so good..  
  
_

Felix watched Chan from afar, half paying attention to the conversation he was having with Jisung. Something about how Minho liked to stick his cold toes against Jisung’s balls or something. He couldn’t honestly be sure at this point and really what the two like to do in the bedroom really wasn’t any of his business. But maybe it was just the fact that Jisung felt comfortable to talk to him about that kind of thing because Felix came out to the other.   
  


“I’ll be right back.” he said quickly, excusing himself from Jisung and making his way to Chan. He knew he needed to talk to the other, especially after what he overheard in the studio. Mostly so he knew for a fact that Chan really was gay and really liked him. Because if it were all true, then Felix had a lot of confessing to do and maybe get a boyfriend out of the whole situation. Which would be nice. Because with a boyfriend came the ability to have sex and Felix was more than ready to actually feel Chan against him and inside him.  
  


No more teasing thoughts, playful roughhousing with semi-hard ons pressing against his ass. No more waking up in the morning with a hard dick pressed against his thigh and not being able to take care of it because that would just be wrong and Felix wasn’t about to end his friendship with Chan because he was a thirsty, hormonal young adult.  
  


“Hyung.” he greeted as he sat next to Chan on the couch, one arm moving behind the other to play with his hair. “Are you okay?” he asked gently. “You look like you’ve been crying again.”  
  


Chan had been lost in thought when Felix appeared next to him, his body tensing up the moment he felt the boy's presence… but as soon as those thin fingers slipped into his hair he sighed heavily and shyly gazed towards the younger. "Im okay,  _ i promise Felix."  _ He said, switching to English halfway through his sentence. He bit his lip as he tried his best to not lean into Felix's touch, but it was so  _ hard _ not to…  
  


He swallowed thickly as he let his eyes linger just a little too long on the boy's face, taking in the details he wasn't able to before. He really was beautiful. His lips always looked red like he had eaten fresh strawberries, and they looked absolutely inviting. "I just had a little bit of a breakdown is all, Changbin helped me out a bit so im feeling a bit more myself now." He lied straight through his teeth. If anything he felt worse because he just wanted Felix and he never was any good at keeping his self control intact. Hell he could barely keep himself from popping a boner in the mornings while trying to get just a little more sleep just because he was so comfortable with Felix pressed against him so tightly.  
  


Felix nodded his head as he stared at Chan, watching his every movement. Because he knew that was the partial truth. He supposed coming out to someone would cause a breakdown. Hell, when he learned that he liked Chan, he had panicked and caused himself his own breakdown. So he could understand it, but he wasn’t sure everything was alright for him. But he wouldn’t force the other to talk, and especially not here in the practice room - where they needed to practice. “Okay hyung.” he said and smiled at him. “I’m glad you feel better.” he said with a nod and pressed his head against Chan’s for a moment.   
  


“Let’s get back to practice, yeah?”  
  


Chan shook his head, his words catching in his throat when Felix pressed their heads together. He could almost  _ taste _ Felix's breath with how close they were. "N-no.. my head is too much of a mess to focus on practice right now, I think I need some fresh air or something to eat." He said softly once he finally got the courage to speak again. He wasn't really hungry, in fact, he didn't really have much of an appetite at the moment… which was very unlike him. "I think I'm gonna step out for a bit, ya know?  _ I need a minute before I go insane again." _ He finished off in English again.  
  


Felix frowned as he listened to the other, cocking his head. Go insane again? He wondered what was making Chan feel like he was, despite the obvious ‘I like Felix’ conversation he had heard earlier. Surely it wasn’t him, was it? Was he driving Chan insane? Pulling his bottom lip between his teeth, he nodded and pulled back from him. “I’ll go with then.” he offered. “You shouldn’t be alone, even if you feel like you should be alone. Does that make sense?” he asked and scratched the side of his head with a finger.   
  


“I don’t have to be like right next to you. I can like, walk ten feet behind you. But like, it would be good to just have someone there in case you needed it?”  
  


Chan nodded slowly as he bit his lip, shifting slightly before standing and looking down at Felix before turning his head away to try to keep himself calm. He was about to be completely alone with Felix… Could he really handle that without doing anything he could possibly regret? “You don't have to keep your distance, I'm not going to hurt you, you should already know that.” He said softly as he grabbed his jacket and pulled it on. He turned to look at the others and made a little face as he grabbed Felix by the wrist without thinking much about it and dragged him out of the practice room, not letting go until they got to the elevator. “Roof..” He said softly and nodded “I don't want to risk being bombarded by the fans right now.” He said with a heavy sigh, stuffing his hands into his jacket pockets, his eyes dropping to the floor as he attempted to ignore the warm sensation that was lingering on his fingertips.  
  


Felix honestly hadn’t meant it like that. He knew Chan wouldn’t hurt him, he just wasn’t sure if Chan wanted space. He would give the other space, but the elder looked so tired and broken that Felix was worried about what would happen if he left Chan alone. He couldn’t possibly let that happen, even if there wasn’t a risk. Standing, he let himself be dragged from the room, the questions from the other’s falling on deaf ears and Changbin’s assurance that they would be back. Felix was glad the other was helping them, though he wasn’t sure if he wanted to use this moment to talk to Chan and confront him.  
  


He should though because there was no telling when they would get another moment alone. Time to just talk to each other and be open and honest. But how honest was Felix willing to be at this point? What if he said the wrong thing on accident and hurt Chan’s feelings? Not that he could say the wrong thing. Telling your best friend that you were in love with them couldn’t be the wrong thing to say when they had feelings for you too. Or...could it?  
  


Felix stared down at his wrist when Chan pulled his hand away. He could still feel the touch of the other’s fingers against his skin, gentle and smooth. And god how he wanted to feel those fingers gliding across his naked skin and touching him ways he had only dreamed about. He wanted Chan so  _ badly _ that it hurt sometimes. He needed to talk to him, to tell him the truth. He could do this.  
  


But he waited until they were on the roof and there was a limited amount of space where Chan could run to as long as Felix blocked the exit to the door. The roof door closed behind them with a resounding thud and Felix took a deep breath - relishing in the scent the mid-afternoon brought. “Hey Channie hyung.” he called out. “I think we need to talk.”  
  


Chan took a few steps out onto the roof before he froze, midstep. His heart sank into his stomach as those words rang through his mind over and over again.  _ This is it… _ He knew it, this was bad.  _ Bad juju Chris, bad juju! _ He took a deep breath as he took his hands out of his jacket and turned to face Felix as he ran his fingers through his hair slowly, letting out that deep breath. “Yeah..” He said softly as he looked over at Felix sheepishly. He knew he had to tell him, he had to get it off his chest or he wasn't going to be able to live with himself, he was already guilty enough with the thoughts he had at this very moment. “ _ Felix…”  _ He started to speak and then stopped once he looked into Felix’s eyes and saw the mix of emotions in them, he didn't know if he was going to be able to tell him, his Aussie brother looked so confused, so pained, so… much like he did right now. He looked like he had himself together, but the look in his eyes told him otherwise. “You first…”  
  


Felix nodded slowly and let out a breath. Of course, he would go first. And it was probably for the best if he did. But that didn’t lessen the nerves any at all. He decided he needed to be completely honest with Chan, because honesty was the best way to build a relationship. Smiling at Chan gently, he reached out and took his hand, holding it in his.  
  
  
“Okay, so first I want to start off by saying I’m sorry.” he said. “I know I shouldn’t eavesdrop on conversations, but I did. Earlier when you were in the studio with Changbin. I was worried about you and I was going to come and check on you but then…” he trailed off and sighed. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have but I did. But I guess it’s a good reason for us to talk now.” he finished as he looked into Chan’s eyes. “About us.”  
  


_Us…_ _There was an us? _   
  


Chan’s cheeks started turning bright red as he stared down at their hands, so red that it spread all the way to the tips of his ears. So that meant.. “You heard everything didn’t you?” He asked softly, keeping his head tilted down in almost apparent shame.  _ Fuck… This wasn't what I wanted. _ He took a deep breath and shook his head quickly. “Felix i never meant to feel this way about you, I never meant to fall so fucking hard.” He whispered and felt the tears started to well up in his eyes. “I'm sorry..” He whispered softly  
  
  
He was sorry, because now he didn't know how his friendship was going to stay together, would they even be friends after this? “I understand if you need some space.” He said softly as he squeezed Felix’s hand tightly. Every bad scenario was running through his head at this moment, every single one. “I just.. Everything about you is making me go insane and it all started the night you crawled into bed with me.” He whispered softly. “The way you pressed against me, it felt so good, your thigh wrapped around me like that..” He trailed off and gulped, taking a deep breath. “The way you snuggled ever so closer and held onto me tight. It messed me up, you are so small against me, I just felt the need to keep you close and protect you.”  
  


Felix frowned as Chan spoke, not really sure how to respond to any of it. But he knew Chan was thinking the worst, and that was the reason he apologized. But he didn’t want nor did he need an apology. And it hurt him to see Chan like this. So weak and vulnerable; emotions on full display. He had only seen this version of him once before and that was when Felix had been eliminated on the show. That was a horrible day, but one that had brought them closer together. It had brought them all closer together and he was thankful for it. Because in the end, he got to be with his family. Stray Kids was his family and Chan...Chan was his home.   
  


Releasing Chan’s hand, he reached up and cupped his face, lifting it so Chan could stare at him. “Don’t be sorry.” he said gently. “But do you only want to protect me, or is it more? Do you want more?” he asked gently.  _ Please say you want more.  
  
_

Chan shook his head as he stared into Felix’s eyes, he could almost feel the pleading look that Felix was giving him, he opened his mouth but no words came out of his mouth. He reached out and wrapped an arm around Felix’s waist, pulling him flush against his chest, his heart beating rapidly against his chest. “ _ I’m in love with you Felix. _ ” He said softly, biting his lip harshly as he stared down into the younger’s eyes. “ _ There's so much in this world that I want to give you, your fame was one of them. You deserved it more than any of us because of how hard you worked to improve.”  _   
  
  
He remembered going into the trainee practice room late at night to work on compositions and seeing Felix passed out on the floor covered only in his own jacket. “ _ I want you to be happy… I want you to hold my heart in your hands and cherish it with your life.” _ He paused as tears welled up in his eyes. “ _ Just like what i told you years ago the same still stands, always come to me… but i want you to only look at me” _ He finally said it, the words he had been thinking for months, those few yet so so meaningful words. “ _ Please Felix.” _ He had chosen to gush everything out in english just in case there were any prying ears from the others listening in on their conversation. And now that he had gotten it out he wasn't entirely sure if he actually felt any better about his feelings.  
  


Felix pressed against Chan, hands resting gingerly against his chest as he spoke. He listened as the words tumbled out of Chan’s mouth and he could feel each and every one of them deep within his soul. Words that held such a deep meaning and were so similar to the feelings that continuously swirl inside his own mind. For it to be confirmed, without a doubt, that Chan loved him was the best thing that had ever happened to him. Well, other than debuting with Stray Kids. That would always rank the highest for him.   
  


_ “I’ve only ever looked at you, Chris.”  _ he said gently, his gaze locked with Chan’s.  _ “I can’t pinpoint when it first started, but it’s always been you Chris. Everything you say and do makes my heart flutter in ways I’ve never felt before. I never thought what I felt was right but I couldn’t deny it. _ ” he confessed. He couldn’t simply ignore the feelings for Chan, no matter how hard he had tried. Wanting him and loving him was all Felix could do, even if he wanted to vehemently deny it because it was  _ wrong _ . Being gay was wrong, but it felt so right and life was too short to worry about what was wrong. Instead, he needed to focus on what felt right and being with Chan felt right.  
  


_ “I love you, Chris. I have for so long.” _   
  


Chan licked his lips as he felt his heart start to pound in his chest at every word that left Felix’s lips. “ _ I…” _ he couldnt put those words into his mouth, so instead he did the one thing he knew he would be able to muster up the courage to do. He backed Felix up against the door that lead into the building and pressed their lips together in what, to him at least, was one of the most earth shaking kisses he had ever had in his life. Felix’s lips were so soft and biteable, and the way they tasted was heaven to him. The thought of actually being able to kiss Felix had never crossed his mind, he had thought it would be impossible.    
  
  
_ This can't be real..  
  
_

But he knew it was. The warmth of Felix’s body against his as he kissed him proved that it was indeed real, he really was kissing Felix. His hands moved up to cup Felix’s cheeks, one of his thumbs stroking the soft skin as the other moved down to tilt the younger’s head up using his jaw.  
  


Felix didn’t know what he had expected when he finished talking, but it certainly wasn’t being backed up against a door and kissed. And God could Chan kiss. Granted Felix had no one to compare Chan to, but he bet if he did, Chan would be the obvious God. It took a moment for Felix to kiss back, his lips sliding ever so slightly against Chan’s as he let himself get lost in the feeling.   
  


The feel, the taste, the smell; everything came up Chan and he honestly loved being wrapped up in the other’s warmth. Fingers cupped his cheeks, thumb moving against his skin as his head was tilted up and he whimpered. He pulled back, breaking the kiss for a moment to whisper Chan’s name against his lips.  
  


Once Chan pulled away he let out a shaky breath, a tingling sensation running down his body as his name reached his ears. “ _ Felix..” _ He whispered softly as he rubbed his thumb over the boy’s bottom lip slowly. “ _ Please, I need you to be mine.”  _ He said softly as he dropped one hand down to grip at the younger’s hip, rubbing slow circles there. “ _ Will you be mine?” _ He asked, staring into Felix’s eyes with a new sense of hope. “I know it's risky but... I want you in my life, I need you by my side, Felix. I can't go on without you.” He admitted quietly.  
  


Felix smiled softly as he stared into Chan’s eyes. Lifting his arms, he wrapped them around Chan’s neck and pulled the other closer against his body. “It would be worth every risk to be with you.” he said and groaned a few seconds later. “Okay that was really cheesy, but it’s how I feel, so sue me.” he laughed lightly. His fingers found their way to the back of Chan’s head, playing with the soft curls there as a content sigh left his lips. “I’ve been yours since the moment I crawled into bed with you all those months ago.” he told him. “I just never thought you would feel the same.”  
  


Chan wrapped both his arms around Felix’s waist and buried his face in his neck, nodding gently. “I think I've always felt the same, I just was too stressed about everything else to realize it until it became the one thing i started stressing out about. You know how I get.” He said with a little chuckle, nudging his nose against Felix’s skin as he inhaled his scent slowly. He always loved the cologne Felix wore. “I will only look at you, I will be only yours.” He said gently as he placed a little nip to the other Aussie’s neck. “Stay with me tonight, okay? I don't want you to leave my side ever.” Chan closed his eyes as he pressed himself against the other.  
  
  
“I'm still not going to be able to practice, so stay with me in the studio? I do have some work i need to get done before we all head back to the dorm..” He trailed off as he rubbed circles into Felix’s hips once again, this time absentmindedly.   
  


Felix hummed lightly as he stroked Chan’s head gently, eyes closing as he basked in their closeness. Chan’s arms were larger than his and felt so good around his waist. He felt safe and protected and loved. And now he was allowing himself to feel these things. Because he could; because Chan was his now and it was okay. “I can’t be with you all the time silly.” he joked. “But I’ll stay with you in the studio and with you tonight.” he assured him.  
  


“We should probably head back inside, though.” he mused. “Come on, we can cuddle while you work. Not sure how, but I bet we can both fit in your chair!”  
  


Chan laughed softly as he pulled away, looking down at Felix with a little lopsided smirk. “We will figure it out, im sure of it.” He said as he slipped his hand into Felix’s and put their hands into the pocket of his jacket. He pulled the door open with his free hand and went to the elevator, quickly taking them back down to the basement where their practice room was. He kept Felix’s hand within his as they headed into the room where the rest of the members were still deep within their practice, closing the door behind them as silently and as carefully as he could, giving his new lover’s hand a gentle squeeze before holding a finger up to shush him.    
  
  
He threw a glance to the other members, catching Changbin’s gaze who just shot him a quick thumbs up. He blushed a little as he looked over at Felix and nudged his head towards the studio door. “Come on.” He whispered in his ear, gently tugging him towards the studio.`  
  


Felix raised a brow at the action, but shook his head. Looking to Chan, he nodded and followed the other towards the studio. Holding onto Chan’s hand tightly, he slipped into the studio with him and closed the door behind them silently. “They were practicing really well.” he said and pulled their hands out of his pocket and grinned. “Changbin’s a good wingman huh?” he teased with a wink and moved over to the chair.   
  


Letting go of Chan’s hands, he sat down in the chair and patted his lap. “Okay! Sit on my lap and I’ll cuddle you while you work.” he said casually, though the thought of Chan being heavy and making his legs go numb crossed his mind and he wondered if it were a better idea if he sat on Chan’s lap instead.  
  


Chan rolled his eyes and then shook his head as he hooked his arms under Felix’s armpits and easily lifted him off the chair. He set him on the desk before taking a seat instead. “He is a very good wingman. But all He did was encourage me to talk to you, the rest was us.” He said as he situated himself in the chair and then grabbed Felix’s hips, pulling him down onto his lap. “I think this would be a bit better don't you?” He asked as he looked at Felix, tilting his head as he shifted the chair forwards and brought up the computer in front of them.   
  
  
He flipped the switch on the wall, the sounds from outside sill being heard, but the hum of electricity that filled the air as the electronic instruments and drum machine kicked on nulled it out. “I still do this nightly.. Halfway through practice I slip in here, when my muscles are too sore to continue. And i just put down anything that comes to mind.” He said as he looked over Felix’s shoulder, resting his chin against him as he hummed deeply. “I've created some pretty sick beats in this very studio.”  
  


Felix hummed softly as he leaned back against the other and closed his eyes. “You have. Some of our best songs are because of you and your producing. You’re so talented.” he said and turned his head to look at the other, smiling gently at him. “Ah, but don’t let me distract you from your work.” he teased as he wiggled on Chan’s lap to get comfortable. “I’m just here for cuddles!” he said happily.  
  


Chan smiled softly as he leaned against Felix’s back, humming softly as he kissed his neck gently. “You won't distract me baby don't worry.” He said softly as he opened up his recording software and let his fingers absentmindedly circle over Felix’s inner thigh slowly. “I have pretty good concentration while im in here.” He let out a little grunt when Felix wiggled in his lap, biting his tongue slightly as he nuzzled his shoulder gently. “I'm just a crazy insomniac who has brilliant ideas because he can't sleep.” He teased, fingers still moving over Felix’s thigh slowly. “If you get cold there's a blanket under the desk.. Sometimes I end up getting locked in past open hours so I sleep here.”  
  


The hand touching his thigh had Felix tensing for a brief moment because the touch was so foreign. Yet it felt so good. Indecently good - spreading a warmth throughout his body that eventually settled in the pit of his stomach. “Baby huh?” he asked and chuckled. “Chan you’re the absolute worst. I’m going to have to make sure you don’t stay late anymore. You need sleep.” he said gently, eyes watching as the other worked on the computer. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you actually work before. This is interesting,” he said lightly, shifting in Chan’s lap again as the movement on his thigh became a bit too distracting to ignore.  
  


“I'm not that bad! At least I still get sleep!” Chan argued as he squeezed Felix’s thigh gently. Now that he could, he couldn't stop himself. “Eh its nothing to fancy, more like me just sitting here quietly for hours on end jamming to whatever the hell i decide to make.” He said with a little shrug and smirked as he opened up one of his older files and pressed play, slipping the headphones over Felix’s head. “Like this one.” He said as he brought his other hand down to rest on top of the other supple thigh. The shifting motion had his jeans tightening ever so slightly, so he shifted himself to try and hide what was steadily growing in his boxers.  
  


Felix rolled his eyes and sighed. Well Chan was right, at least he got some sleep and that’s all he could really ask for in the end. At least the other could still function the next day. So that was good. “Sounds like a party.” he teased. He ducked his head some to help Chan get the headphones on his head and hummed as the music played. His head started bopping almost instantly to the beat the other had created. It was edgy and catching and right up Felix’s alley. Then again, he and Chan had similar taste in music most of the time and he always loved everything Chan created.  
  


“This is amazing.” he said as he grooved to the song, body already flowing with the music - making up dance move on the spot as he wiggled about in Chan’s lap.  
  


Chan licked his lips as Felix moved about in his lap, his hard on being stimulated almost constantly and he couldn’t help but let his head fall back against the headrest of the chair. He gripped Felix’s thighs as he tried to keep his own hips still. Did he know what he was doing? Or was he just  _ that _ into the beat? He couldn’t really tell. Chan’s lips parted slightly as he pulled Felix back against him, deciding it was time to stop the boy’s hips before he accidently made a mess of himself. “ _ Felix.”  _ He called out in english, tapping one side of the headset. His voice deep and thick with need, though he wasn't too aware of the look in his eyes either.    
  
  
“ _ Will you stop wiggling like that?”  _ He grunted out, fingertips digging into Felix’s hips tightly.  
  


Felix grunted when he was pulled back against Chan and turned his head to look at the other. Raising a brow, he pulled the headset off his ears so they hung around his neck. “I’m sorry what was that?” he asked, cocking his head to the side. “I can’t help it hyung. I hear the beat and I just gotta groove. It’s a dancer thing.” he laughed happily. “If you think I’m bad, you should see Hyunjin. One little hum and he’s bouncing around.”  
  


Chan groaned and rolled his eyes a little, letting his head fall back again. “Well stop, You don't understand what you’re doing to me Felix.” He hissed as he pressed his hips upwards against Felix’s pert little ass. “I don't really want to think about Hyunjin bouncing around on anything right now..” He teased a little as he rubbed Felix’s hips slowly, the tip of his tongue poking out slightly as he suddenly went deep into thought. ‘Hm.. Now that you’re mine… That means I can do anything I want right?” He asked as he slowly walked his fingers around against the waistband of Felix’s pants.  
  


Felix stilled and stared at Chan, eyes widening at the implications in his words and he could feel his cheeks start to flush. “Channie hyung, you can’t - I mean you can but...here?” he asked. Was he even reading the situation right? Or was Chan just being a tease? Honestly, Felix was waiting for the other to say ‘I gotcha’ before making fun of him for having his mind in the gutter. But that honestly couldn’t be helped. The thought of Chan touching him, playing with him; it was hot and he wanted it. He wanted it badly. “You know, I don’t think I like the idea of you thinking about Hyunjin bouncing either.” he said lightly, pressing back against Chan as he wiggled his hips more. “You shouldn’t think about someone else while you’re with your boyfriend.” he teased.  
  


Chan let out a needy little growl as he rocked his hips up against Felix’s, eyes darting towards the door as he reached down to grab the blanket, draping it over Felix’s thighs. He toyed with the button of his pants for a good, long minutes before popping it open. “Do I sound like im joking felix?” He asked as he gently tugged at the waistband of his pants, pulling them down to just above his knees. “Lift up..” He whispered softly as he slipped a hand between their bodies and undid his own jeans. “I promise, even in anyone comes in, no one will notice with the way i want to do it.” He said reassuringly, pulling his thick length through the slit of his boxers.  
  


Felix was very surprised - shocked but surprised when Chan opened his pants and started pulling them down. Biting his lip, he lifted his hips slightly for the other, wiggling his pants down further. “Hyung, what about lube?” he asked and furrowed his brows at the other. “And prepping? I mean I haven’t had anything bigger than my own fingers and even then…” he trailed off as he grabbed Chan’s free hand and lifted it, pressing the palm of his hand against his to show the size comparison. “Pretty sure you’re definitely bigger than my own fingers.”  
  


Chan shook his head and grabbed the headphones, setting them aside as he unplugged the jack and opened up a new recording session. “Just keep yourself quiet the best you can, and trust me.” He said softly as he lifted his nondominant hand up and pressed two fingers against Felix’s lips “Open.” He purred softly, his other hand immediately going to work as if both halves of his brain were set on different tasks. One, making music, the other…. Finally losing his virginity. “Get them good and wet baby.~”  
  


Felix held onto Chan’s hand tightly, staring at the other for a moment before nodding. Trust Chan, he could do that. Though this was a big deal to him. Something he didn’t do with just anyone. Hell he hadn’t done it with  _ anyone _ . Chan would be his first, and even though he trusted him, it was still scary. Parting his lips, he let the fingers slip into his mouth and rest there. The weight of them against his tongue felt nice and the taste was something interesting. Salty, but not entirely unpleasant - Felix ran his tongue over each one individually, coating it as well as he could before sucking on them.  
  


Chan let out a soft groan at the feeling of Felix’s tongue moving against his fingers, he placed a gentle nip to the boy’s shoulder and trailed his tongue over the little red mark he had left behind. His cock was twitching softly against the swell of Felix’s ass as he tried to focus on a beat that would fit exactly how he felt at this moment, vulnerable, sensual, content yet daring. He started with the drum beat, pressing his fingers against Felix’s tongue along with the beat he was creating. He had never felt anything like this before, it was such a strangely arousing feeling. “I got you baby.” He whispered softly as he nudged Felix’s thighs apart with one knee. “Squeeze my arm if it hurts okay?” He asked as he pulled his fingers from those succulently wet lips and traced them around Felix’s hole, wetting the area before gingerly pressing one in, just the tip.  
  


Felix had let out a soft whine, but had otherwise remained quiet as he worked on getting Chan’s fingers nice and wet. The wetter, the better and he didn’t want to risk not having enough slickness to make this comfortable. Lube would have been preferred, but of course he didn’t think he would be doing anything sexual that would call for it. Now he knew and maybe carrying a small bottle or packet with him wouldn’t be such a bad idea. He easily let the fingers go as Chan pulled his hand away and he parted his legs wider for the other. “Okay.” he nodded and sighed softly.   
  


“Go slow.” he managed to get out before the fingers was pressing against him, pushing against the ring of muscles. He relaxed himself as best he could, the sensation familiar yet foreign as only the tip slipped in. “I think I might die.” he whispered. “Your fingers are way bigger than mine.”  
  


Chan let out a soft chuckle as he nodded, pulling his hand away from the drum machine to let the current beat just loop as he gently rubbed Felix’s inner thigh in an attempt to distract him, his lips pressing featherlight kisses over the expanse of the boy’s neck. “Just tell me when to stop if its too much okay?” He whispered, slowly but surely pressing the single digit inside of him. He didn't want to hurt him, not even a tiny bit. He would be too guilty if he made Felix bleed.. Or tear. “You’ll Be okay, just breathe.” He said gently. “Listen to the beat.”   
  
  
He gently pulled his finger back out, feeling the tight ring of muscle trying to grip onto it as he hummed softly. If Felix was this tight around his finger… He could only imagine how tight he would be around his cock. “I love you, I promise I won't let this hurt..” He mumbled against Felix’s shoulder.  
  


Felix smiled lightly at the other’s words and gentle kisses pressed against his neck. It felt so nice. Chan was being so gentle with him and he couldn’t help but feel so loved and cared for. Licking his dry lips, he nodded his head and let it fall back to rest on Chan’s shoulder. “I know,” he whispered. “I trust you.” he said. His eyes fluttered closed as he focused on the beat playing on the loop, whimpering softly as he felt the finger moving inside him. It didn’t hurt, but it didn’t necessarily feel good. At least not yet. “Keep going.” he urged.  
  


Chan hummed softly as he continued to press little kisses over the skin of Felix’s neck, nibbling at certain spots as he sped up his pace just a little bit, adding a curl to his finger once he was in knuckle deep. He wanted to hear Felix whimper, he wanted to know what he sounded like while he was being pleasured.  _ Does he squeak? Or does his voice get even deeper?  _ He bit his lip as he slowly traced the second finger around Felix’s hole slowly. “Can I?”  
  


Felix groaned softly as he felt the finger moving in him, curling and he shifted, pressing down slightly. That felt good, better than his own fingers and it reached deeper too. He was feeling the finger in places that he had never felt before and he kinda wanted more. He basked in the feeling for a short moment before another finger pressed against his hole and he bit his lip. “I think so.” he whispered and nodded. “You can try.”  
  


Chan nodded as he slowly pressed the second finger into Felix slowly, biting his lip as he felt the tightness around his finger clamp down around them. “Oh damn…” He whispered as his cock twitched heavily against his own wrist. He pressed them in slow but deep, curling them to try and find that elusive spot he had heard about online… Because yes he had been doing a little research, what could he say? He had been curious and way too horny one night. “How does that feel?”  
  


Felix gritted his teeth as the second pressed in. It was definitely a stretch he wasn’t used to and a burn he had never experienced before. But it felt nice, good, simply because Chan was doing it. He breathed deeply through his nose, taking short breaths as the fingers moved deeper inside him, curling and pressing against his walls. The dull pain was slowly ebbing away and it was becoming more pleasurable. “Good.” he hissed out. “Feels good.” he told him and licked his lips slightly. “They’re so deep inside me.”  
  


Chan hummed softly as he reached back over to continue working on the beat, licking his lips as he twisted, curled and slowly thrusted his fingers into Felix. He pressed little kisses over his neck slowly, nibbling at the skin but being careful to not leave any marks. "Does it?" He asked softly as he nuzzled his nose against Felix, eyes focused on the beat in front of him, switching over to the keyboard, adding notes one by one since he was only one handed. "Do you want me to go faster?"  
  


Felix’s eyes fluttered closed as the fingers moved inside him, curling and pressing. It was such a wonderful feeling, to be filled with the fingers of someone he had craved for so long. Every little thing Chan was doing was driving him insane with arousal, his cock twitching against his abdomen with every stroke. “Y-yes. Faster.” he begged.  
  


Chan nodded and sped up his fingers, pumping them into Felix with ease now that his hole had been stretched, he spread his fingers and bit his lip. " _ Fuck.. youre so tight _ " he whispered against the shell of Felix's ear, keeping the pace with his fingers for a few loops of the beat before he couldnt take it anymore. He pulled his fingers out and wrapped his hand around his cock using his other hand to lift Felix up just a little bit, pressing the head of his cock into him gently. "Tell me if it hurts, once its in dont move alright? I'll do all the work. You just lean back against me and enjoy it okay?"  
  


Felix whimpered softly, head turning to the side as he tried to hide his face in Chan’s neck. His body rocked slightly with the thrusting fingers, trying to get more of the feeling - the shockwave of pleasure as Chan’s fingers pressed into that spot that he had only dreamt of touching himself. “Channie.” he whined out, huffing slightly as the fingers were pulled out of him. Staring at the other with an eager expression, he lifted his hips and moved back slightly; hissing as the blunt head of Chan’s cock pressed into him. “Keep going.” he breathed out. It hurt, but he wasn’t going to tell Chan that and risk the other stopping all this. He wanted it, so damn much.  
  


Chan hummed as he pressed into Felix more and more, guiding his hips down onto his cock with a low groan. " _ Holy shit.."  _ he moaned out softly, pressing his hips up into the warm, tight heat as it enveloped his hard cock. It felt so good.. He rolled his hips slowly for a moment before putting both hands on the keyboard, kissing Felix's cheek gently. He hummed lowly, hips gently rolling and swiveling as he let little breaths slip out of him.  
  


Felix held his breath as the member pushed all the way into him, his hole stretching wider than it had ever done before. It was a shock that he could even fit it all inside him. But the moment Chan bottomed out, it was like a huge relief and he laid practically lifeless against Chan’s chest as he focused on his breathing. Soft grunts and whines leave him when Chan lifted and moved his hips, head turning to pepper gentle kisses against his jaw. “This feels good.”  
  


Chan nodded and pulled the chair they were sitting in closer to the desk, his cock twitching inside of Felix as his hips rolled slowly. "You feel so fucking good.. holy shit.." he nearly wheezed out as he buried his face against Felix's shoulder, enjoying the feeling of the lips on his jaw. "Oh my god.." he murmured softly under his breath, he could feel Felix's walls clenching around him… his mind was getting foggy, he didn't know if he was gonna be able to continue working on the beat he had laid out in front of him without messing something up. "Felix.." he moaned softly.  
  


Felix hummed softly at his name, a soft chuckle leaving him. He wasn’t sure exactly what they were doing, but Chan wasn’t fucking him which was both annoying and funny. Mostly funny because it seemed Chan was more affected by it than he was, and Felix was the one sitting on the cock. “What babe?” he asked gently, lips gliding across the smooth skin of Chan’s jaw, moving lower to his neck. He pressed light kisses against the column of flesh, his tongue slipping out to lick against it lightly. “You’re the one torturing us.”   
  


Chan grunted as he slid the keyboard forwards, out of the way and pushed Felix forwards, pressing him against the desk as he stood up. The towel fell, and without a second glance back towards the door he pulled out oh so slowly before slamming back into the younger. He let out a deep groan as he repeated his actions, his hands gripping Felix's hips tightly as he started fucking into him at a steady pace. He stared down at Felix and grunted, running one hand up his spine before gripping a fist full of his hair, tugging his head back to meet his thrusts forward.  
  


Felix grunted as he was lifted and pushed against the desk. Fingers grasped at the edge for balance, preparing himself, yet nothing could prepare himself for the feeling of Chan slipping out halfway out and thrusting back in. “ _ Chris! _ ” He gasped and jerked back, home clenching tightly around him to keep the cock inside him. “Fuck. Again!” He called out, back arching.   
  


Chan kept thrusting into Felix just like that, relishing in the feeling of the tight heat clamped down around his cock. He let out a low groan, almost a growl as he picked his pace up, slowly but steadily pounding into Felix as he lost himself in the sensations. He couldn't help it, this was all so new to him. Sure he had watched porn, sure he had masturbated.. but nothing.. and he meant absolutely NOTHING could compare to this. The feelings alone made his cock twitch heavily. " _ Felix, fuck you feel so good around my cock!" _ He growled out, his nails digging into his skin, on both his hips and his scalp. " _ Holy shit baby.."  
  
_

Felix wiggled, shifting and trying to lower his head from the uncomfortable position. But Chan’s grip was iron strong as he pounded away inside him. The slide of his cock sent tingles up and down his spine, especially when it barely grazed that spot inside him. If only Chan would push a little harder and sink a little bit deeper inside him. Whimpering, Felix brought a hand down and wrapped his fingers around his cock, stroking it quickly to give it some relief.  _ “Please don’t stop. Please, please please. It’s so good!”  
  
_

Chan started pounding harder into Felix, rolling his hips to push deeper into that deliciously tight heat. " _ You like that baby? Huh? You like it when my cock slams into you like that?"  _ The words spilled out of his lips on their own, his mind gone as he fucked into his lover. " _ Good boy Felix, take it like a champ. Fuck you feel so good, gonna cum for me baby boy?"  _ He grunted out as he finally let go of Felix's hair so he could firmly grip those slim hims and use them to fully be able to give the boy a good pounding.  
  


Felix’s breath hitched, choked gasps leaving him at each word that Chan spoke. ‘Good boy’ and ‘Baby Boy’ and everything in between only added fuel to the fire raging within him. It twisted and coiled into a tight ball, threatening to burst at anymore and the harsh thrusts Chan were giving him was only aiding in the process.  _ “Chris!” _ he cried out, unabashed and shamelessly loud. Chan’s cock had pressed in deeper and hit that spot dead on, sending sparks of hot pleasure coursing through his body. “ _ Right there! Please hit it again. I need more.”  
  
_

_ "Fuck you're such a good little slut for my cock Felix, you need more? Fuck.." _ Chan's voice was starting to sound more and more fucked out as he pounded into that spot, or at least tried to. His hips were starting to shake with every harsh thrust he gave the boy. " _ Are you gonna take my cum like the good little boy you are?"  _ He purred out, fingers tightening so much on Felix's hips that he knew there would be marks there for a good few hours after they were done. " _ I want to fill you up and breed you with my seed like the good little boy you are for me."  _ His words didn't even make sense to him, the filth spilling off his tongue was almost complete hormone driven nonsense, and the closer he got to cumming the filthier it got.  
  


Felix shook against Chan’s grip, eyes closing tightly as he focused on the overwhelming pleasure each thrust caused. The way Chan presses into his prostate each and every time has Felix biting back loud screams. He was attempting to keep himself quiet, even if they were in the studio. It sadly wasn’t as soundproof as the actual recording booth.  _ “Yes, daddy.” _ He breathed out the words before he could actually process what he was saying.  _ “Want your cum. Want it all inside me.”  _ Panting harshly, he gave his own cock a squeeze, a deep grunt falling from his lips as he rapidly approached his end.  _ “Please, let me cum.”  
  
_

Chan nearly exploded as the words reached his ears, he nodded and pulled Felix up against his chest. " _ Cum for me baby. Cum for daddy."  _ He moaned out before sinking his teeth into Felix's shoulder, his hand moving to grip the boy's throat just tight enough that it would cut of a bit of his airway. His hips pistoned as hard as they could to bring Felix over the edge. And the swell of his balls told him he was too close.. he needed to cum but Felix hadn't. " _ Felix…"  _ He growled put against the boy's skin hungrily. " _ Scream my name baby, i want to hear you when you cum. I want to know just who made you cum oh so hard-"  
  
_

Panting, Felix presses back against Chan, back bowed as the pleasure mounted. He could feel it taking over his body and consuming. It was such a raw, intense feeling that he wasn’t entirely sure he was going to be able to survive it as his vision started to blacken slightly. Reaching back, he grabbed a hold of any part of chan that he could and held on as he tossed his head back. “ _ Chris!” _ He cried out, voice reverberating throughout the room as he finally reached his end. His cock twitch and pulsed as he released against his stomach, landing on him and parts of the desk. “ _ Oh my god!”  
  
_

Chan let out a loud groan of Felix's name as he slammed his cock into him one final time, cumming hard as he did so. He gripped the boy's hips in a bruising grip as he ground his cock into him to ride out his high, panting heavily as he pressed lazy kisses all over the expanse of Felix's neck and jaw, nipping at the skin lovingly. " _ So good Felix.. such a good boy.."  _ He whispered against the shell of the younger males ear. He panted softly and bit his lip, falling back in the chair,cock still buried deep inside Felix. " _ I love you so much… I'm so glad it was with you.."  _ he mumbled as he nuzzled his face against Felix's neck.   
  


Felix sighed softly and closed his eyes tightly. Biting his lip, he rested against the other, grateful for when Chan finally sat back down in the chair. His legs felt jelly and his body was tingling as he was still coming down from his high slowly. “Love you too.” He mumbled, half aware of the words Chan was mumbling in their post-sex haze. Groaning softly, he closed his eyes and turned his head, placing a kiss into Chan’s head, or whatever part he could reach.   
  


Chan closed his eyes and hummed softly, running his fingers down over Felix's thighs gently as he leaned into the kiss. His whole body was still shaking from how hard he had came, his cock slowly softening inside of Felix as he just sat there, holding him tightly as he came down from the intense high he was at. "Did I do okay? That was my first time so I didn't know if I was going too hard." He muttered as he snuggled against the smaller boy on his lap.  
  


“You were really rough. But I kinda liked it.” Felix chuckled as snuggled as best as he could in his position. “You were amazing Channie hyung, honestly.” Reaching up, he stroked Chan’s hair gently and sighed contently. “Do you think anyone heard us though?” He asked.   
  


Chan blushed bright red and nodded, tightening his grip on Felix as he sighs softly. "With that last moan of yours.. oh yeah." He teased gently, kissing at Felix's neck slowly. He chuckled softly and bit his lip. "At least they know youre mine.. and of course no one messes with the Aussie bros and gets to live to tell the tale~".  
  


Felix laughed at that, body shaking from the intensity of it. Chan was a complete and utter idiot sometimes, but he really did love him. “You’re so stupid.” he muttered, body nearly going limp as he started to doze off. “Let’s give it half an hour, maybe they’ll forget. I need a nap.” he mumbled, voice deep and almost indecipherable with how slurred his speech was becoming.  
  


Chan nodded and ran his fingers through Felix's soft, blonde locks as he reached to grab the blanket, covering them both as he closed his eyes as well. "Sounds good to me…" he whispered as he nuzzled against the boy and closed his eyes, free hand finding Felix's so he could intertwine their fingers tightly. Now that he had him he wasn't letting go.. even if they got exposed, he wanted this more than anything.


End file.
